demotivation.

apa ya — mulai darimana, ya?

agak frustasi sama diri sendiri. agak bingung, aneh, dan kaget juga rasanya kok bisa sampe di titik ini.

masalah eksternal darinalyakr kayaknya lagi gak ada banget. kerjaan aman. keluarga aman. temen ya emang kesepian 24/7 tapi udah mulai terbiasa jadi ya aman juga. hubungan romansa, agak baru selesai setelah 3 tahun yang kalau ditinjau baiknya kayaknya udah dari lama selesai — jadi aman.

masalah internal, udah mulai terima sama keputusan-keputusan bodoh di masa lalu, udah gak nyalah-nyalahin dan nyeselin abcde. udah bisa sayang sama diri sendiri in terms of giving self-affirmation, have a lot of me-time, etc. cuma masih sayang kalo spending materi ke diri sendiri, sementara kalo ke orang-orang tertentu gak pake mikir langsung dibeliin🤡 self-love issue or simply preference? idk. but again, not bothering myself that much.

tapi apa yaaa?

kayak no excitement in daily life?

I’m not keen on working anymore. I don’t feel the eagerness to get things done. I’m way far far farrr behind the old me that took stuff seriously and thoroughly. Even my ex boss commented that he hate when I asked for extra job — since it came too often🥲🙏🏼

WHERE IS THAT GIRL NOW?🤡

selain kerjaan yang loadnya mungkin lagi gak seberat itu jadi demotivasi ya yaudah, i actually have some essays to be done.

Been a month and not a single sentence has been written. I’m so mad at myself. But I was trying to sit and do some research and write, the result is me screaming for frustration since I can’t write anything.

Looking at the essay i used to made and the fact that I was the curator for those who applied for travel grant and scholarship give even more frustration and not motivation.

what
to
do?